September 2012

1^st September 2012, we are now 32 weeks and 3 days; I can now officially say that we are due our precious little boy next month. It’s scary but exciting all at the same time. Have had a bit of a downer day today, woke up this morning and just sat and cried, in a way the reality of the unknown hit me in the face, I want our precious little boy now more than ever. I went out to a friend’s house to distract my mind, we made cakes and made dinner, had a right laugh. I came home at about 8pm as had to be online for 8.30pm as there has been a secret stork parcel sitting on my table since Thursday and have been told that I’m under strict instructions not to open it until told, but tonight is finally the night. Have to wait until 9pm though, I had to start it off, had this message Right My GORGEOUS Ladies and Babies, There have been...
80 Babies,
79 Parcels
78 Ladies
32 Posting Days

30 Receiving Days 
Millions of Spreadsheet pages
Hundreds of scared postmen
Countless added grey hairs
1 or 2 Heart Attacks
And a cup full of stress for good measure!
It can only mean one thing.... It's here my beautiful Ladies.... 
♥ SECRET STORK DUE IN OCTOBER 2012 ♥
you have all been SUCH a pleasure to get to know, help and watch you all get so excited over this!!!
Stacey - You are to open first - Nearly all of the ladies in here have helped chip in towards your gift - so from all of us - Lots of Love! ♥
once Stacey has opened the rest of you are good to...
READY - STEADY - GO!!!!!!

I opened it and cried but they were good tears, all I can say is that everyone who has been involved in it has been so thoughtful to me, Joel and Angelo Jack. We can’t thank you all enough.

 2^nd September 2012, I have been out all afternoon today, went to an event to raise money for Emily’s star. This was set up as Emily was another T18 baby, her mum and dad set up Emily’s star to help other children and to raise awareness of Edwards’s syndrome. Emily’s mummy and daddy are lovely people, they can relate to us in what we are going through and they understand us to. We are going to meet up again at some point as we are going to go out for lunch and a cup of tea when we are both free. It has defiantly been a lovely day, we have helped Emily’s star raise over £2000 alone today, they should now be able to register Emily’s star as a charity. I didn’t get home until gone 10pm, am off to bed now as it’s been a long day and I am done in, need some sleep well that’s if Angelo and his daddy let me sleep tonight.

6^th September 2012, we are now 33 weeks and 1 day. Went back to Milton Keynes again today, saw another consultant but he works closely alongside Mr Hanna, he was lovely too, We set up a plan of action with regards to delivery, I will be left to go in to labour on my own, we don’t know when it will be as I have got too much fluid around Angelo, there’s too much fluid because he’s not swallowing properly due to his diaphragmatic hernia, they have said they think he has got heart problems because they can’t see his heart properly but I don’t believe it. I will  get an appointment to see the bereavement midwife Tracy Rae, I will have a last ultrasound done to get good quality pictures over the next couple of weeks, I will get an ultrasound on admission to labour ward to get a last look at our son before I have him providing there is somebody there who can do it, I will have intermittent monitoring in labour but have asked not to be informed if there is any evidence of distress and I will meet with the neonatal team to discuss a plan of action with them. The consultant had a feel of Angelo but could not determine the position as there is too much fluid in the way which is making it harder to feel him. He had a read of my birth plan and is happy to give me what I have written in it. I know I have got some tasks to do before I have Angelo but I can’t do it, I don’t feel that I can. This should be the beginning of a new chapter, but deep down I know it’s the end, I know our son will pass away but I just don’t know when. No matter what time we get with our son we will value and treasure every second of it. Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy are not giving up on you no matter what, you are in control son nobody else, you are the one making the decisions, mummy and daddy love you so much. I can feel you wiggling around while I’m sat updating this, you are a right little wiggle bum.

9^th September 2012, been packing boxes up today ready for moving out at the end of the month, packing Angelo’s things up felt absolutely awful, it felt like I had given up on him and was putting him away forever, I know in a sense it makes it easier that I know we are moving house but at the same time I know I probably won’t be able to use his things. I have kept out his clothes, teddy’s, blankets and his boxes that we have started. They are things that are not going anywhere just yet, in a way they are a comfort to me. When we went to be Angelo decided he was going to play football with his daddy’s hand, my god some of them kicks that he gave were big ones, it’s his way of saying mummy, daddy it’s ok, I’m still here and fighting.

10^th September 2012, had a phone call today from Milton Keynes, I have got my last scan at 2.30 pm tomorrow, I have got all mixed emotions about it, I am also seeing the bereavement midwife tomorrow to, just to discuss our wishes for what we want to be done during and after Angelo’s birth. Had a parcel come from America today too, received a Gemma bear, had a little note with it too, I dived out of bed when I heard the door go because I knew what it was and didn’t want to wait any longer for it. 

11^th September 2012, went to Milton Keynes again today with Joel to have our last scan. Angelo still has the same problems as before, none of them have gone away or got any worse, they say he has a problem with his heart but I don’t believe it. I met Tracy Rae the bereavement midwife today as well. She tried to read my birth plan but couldn’t read it as it was making her cry; she took a copy of it away to read later. Angelo is still growing but not as well as he has been previously, his growth rate has started to drop off, his estimated weight is now 3 lb 10 ozs. I have got extra fluid around him, the deepest pool is not 9.5 cm, I need to edit my birth plan slightly as Milton Keynes have asked us our opinions on resuscitation and ventilation so they will resuscitate and ventilate if we want them to. I have asked for them to do intermittent monitoring of our sons heart beat during labour but I do not want them to discuss with us if our son shows any signs of distress. I will upload a scan picture later on when I have seen dad and scanned it in to the computer.

17^th September 2012, we are now 34 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. We went to Milton Keynes again today to see the neonatal consultant to discuss the plan of action, our wishes, feelings and thoughts. We have told them that we want to give our son the best possible chance and make him as comfortable as possible, we want him to be given oxygen, feeding tube, pain relief and if necessary ventilation but under no circumstances do we want him to be resuscitated. Plan of action is to assess thoroughly at birth, he will be assessed for breathing distress, warmed, dried and stimulated, if he is breathing regularly or gasping he will be given facial oxygen and airway will be opened, if he is not breathing then he will be comforted and given to us, he will not be given forced breaths but will be given oxygen. He will not be given and resuscitative measures i.e. no drugs or chest compressions, he will not be incubated for lung expansion. If he is spontaneously breathing and responds to oxygen and continues to react in a positive way, efforts will be made to transfer him to the neonatal unit. If he deteriorates before he is transferred to the neonatal unit he will be given to us with oxygen. In the neonatal unit he will be given palliative care and constantly assessed, they will keep us informed at every stage. We saw my consultant as well today and had another scan to have a good look at Angelo’s heart, his heart is in the right hand side of his chest, the right hand side of his heart is dilated with a small left side, the septum does not look normal, he has a complex cardiac problem to add to the list of his other problems. Angelo however is still growing and has got ridiculously long legs; his estimated weight is now 3lbs 11ozs. I know we are doing everything that we can possibly do for our son; it just hurts so much to think that he has got another problem so the odds are stacked against him and his chances of survival are further reduced .It hurts to think we probably won’t get to bring our son home. It hurts to think it should be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives but it will be the end. Angelo Jack carry on fighting and proving the wrong, mummy and daddy love you so much.

19^th September 2012, we are 35 weeks exactly, so proud of my little man with what he is achieving. I have been and seen my midwife today, bump is measuring 33 centimetres, Angelo’s heartbeat is nice and regular at 148 beats per minute, and Angelo is starting to move down in to my pelvis, his head is 4/5ths palpable. I had my hair cut off today too, I walked in to the house and looked at Joel, he said excuse me love my wife will be home any minute do you mind leaving? Hello I am your wife, made me laugh so much. We are having a bump photo shoot done at 6.30 tonight, can’t wait for that, so excited. We enjoyed our photo shoot tonight, can’t wait to see the pictures.

21^st September 2012, I had a phone call from the photographers today giving me our username and password for our pictures. I logged straight on and had a look at them, wow they are amazing.

23^rd September 2012, we are now 35 weeks and 4 days, we went to build a bear today, we made our son a special bear, we named it baby Angelo. Angelo has been a right wiggle bum today, he’s been playing his usual games with his daddy, it’s so nice just to lay, feel and watch. I love my two boys so much. 

26^th September 2012, we are now 36 weeks in to the pregnancy, a stage where no doctor said that we would even get too. I am so proud of our special little boy, he’s fighting so hard and proving everyone wrong, he is a little star and such a big fighter. I have got to see my midwife again on the 3^rd October and to see the consultant again on the 8^th October. I have had a look at the statics on our blog as well today; we have now had 8485 views. It has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, France, New Zealand, Germany, Italy, Poland, Slovenia, Russia, South Africa, Netherlands, Canada, Ireland, Switzerland, Argentina, Isle Of Man, Singapore, Gibraltar, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Hungary, Chilli, Philippines and Pakistan. 

30^th September 2012, we are 36 weeks and 4 days in to the pregnancy, it has gone so quickly can’t believe that we are in October tomorrow and I can’t believe we only have 24 days left until Angelo’s due date, it’s scary to think he has fought this far but at the same time no one knows what time we have got left with him. I keep trying to picture his little face in my mind, part of me wants to see him now to see who he looks like and how much hair he’s got but at the same time another part of me wants him to stay put in my belly forever because I know he’s safe where he is. Last night I was sat on the sofa watching tele with Joel’s mum, we were sat eating chocolate buttons, I put a handful of chocolate buttons on my belly and Angelo was kicking them off, it was so funny to watch. It was the first time that Joel’s mum had seen my belly move so much. I am convinced that Angelo was saying mum I’m not your table so move everything off of me, Joel’s mum said that he was saying mum stop eating chocolate, who knows what he was trying to achieve apart from Angelo but he defiantly creates his mummy some lovely little memories. In the terms of t18 babies, Angelo is defiantly a little miracle as he is still going strong and fighting at this late stage in my pregnancy. I just hope and pray every day for a miracle and that he carries on fighting and carries on being a miracle. Angelo Jack your mummy and daddy love you so much and you are so special to everyone in the family.