October 2012

3^rd October 2012, we are now 37 weeks exactly; Angelo is doing very well and still proving the doctors wrong. I my midwife again today, she is very happy with Angelo and with me; she too is hoping and praying for a miracle. My bump is measuring 34 centimetres today so he is still growing. Angelo is 4/5 palpable so only 1/5 of his head is engaged in to my pelvis, I am surprised at this after moving stuff over the weekend. Angelo’s heart rate is nice and regular, it was 134 beats per minute today. I am going back to see my midwife again at 39 weeks, well providing I haven’t already had him and I see my consultant next week. Angelo still likes to play football with his daddy and with mummy’s ribs. I should be getting my pictures back next week too from our photo shoot so I will be sure to put some of them on so you can all see them.

4^th October 2012, I spent the afternoon and evening at mum and dad’s house, I went and picked Laurissa up from school, we did the usual routine of going to the cake shop and then over to the other shop for magazine and sweets. When we got home she sat poking my belly trying to get Angelo to move but he wouldn’t move. I had some dinner and a cold drink, we sat reading Laurissa’s magazine and Angelo decided he was going to start moving and kicking. Laurissa put her hand on my belly and could feel him giving her nice big kicks and moving about, she loved it; her face was amazing to watch her expressions. Later on in the evening she came back for me, she was poking my belly to try to make him move but he wouldn’t move, mum sat squirming at Laurissa poking my belly, me and Laurissa did nothing but laugh at mum.  Mum sat the other side of the room and could see Angelo moving about in my belly. The daft dog decided it was going to cuddle up to me and use my belly as a pillow, well that is until Angelo decided to move and kick the dog then the dog looked at me gone out and moved.

5^th October 2012, we are 37 weeks and 2 days, only another 19 days until his due date, Angelo is doing so well. We are so proud of him. I am finding it so hard to stay positive now. When I go out I always get asked how long I have left, what I am having. These are so hard to answer as I don’t know the outcome with our son; I don’t know how much time that we have left with him, all I know is that he is poorly and nothing can change it. I am scared of not knowing how much time we have left with him, if I had a magic wand and could make it all go away then I would, my only wish is that I have our son with us forever and for him not to poorly. Angelo Jack mummy and daddy love you so much, you are out little miracle and our star. X x x x x x x x x

6^th October 2012, we are now 37 weeks and 3 days, only another 18 days left until Angelo’s due date.  Angelo has been sticking out his feet and arms out of the side of my belly. I have been out with mum and Laurissa most of the day today, bought Angelo a £30 bear for 20 pence, bargain of the day. Had a lovely take away with Joel then went up to blockbuster and rented some DVD’s, spent the evening in front of the tele chilling out and cuddled up watching different DVD’s. I had a look at the statics for our blog as well today; it has had 9048 views, let’s see if we can get it to 10000 views by the time Angelo is born. 

8^th October 2012, we are now 37 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. I have been back to Milton Keynes again today and seen my consultant. Dad came with me as Joel was at work, the consultant did another scan. He said that Angelo has got ridiculously long legs. Angelo was being stubborn as he kept kicking and moving while my scan was being done, he was kicking the probe when trying to check the blood flows to him and the placenta, trying to scan his head to get a measurement he kept shaking his head. I am convinced he was saying no you’re not getting me today. My consultant is happy with Angelo and with me and says that I don’t have to go back and see him again until the 25^th October. Hopefully I have had him by then as I really don’t want to be induced. I just have to see my midwife every week just to keep an eye on everything. Angelo is so active; he’s always moving and playing football with his daddy’s hand.

10^th October 2012, we are now 38 weeks and Angelo is still going strong and fighting. Only another 2 weeks left until his due date. We got our special disk back today with the pictures on from our photo shoot, I will put some of them on to here but you can view them all on Angelo’s page on facebook, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/. Angelo got bought a lovely vest with his name on from his nanny and granddad too, it’s so cute. Angelo is making us so proud by getting this far and still fighting, he is our little miracle and we love him so much. Had a look at the stats for Angelo’s blog today, we have hit the 10 thousand mark and gone past it, we are now at 10282 views. I am amazed, so proud of our son, can’t believe we have gone past the 10 thousand mark, our target was 10 thousand by the time he’s born and we have hit that before he’s even born. Just want to say thank you to everyone who is reading and following our blog, feel free to share it, it will help us to get the awareness out there and open medical professional’s eyes. It will get the positives out in to this world that will help others that just get told the negatives and nothing positive.

14^th October 2012, we are now 38 weeks and 4 days in to the pregnancy, Angelo is doing well, he’s fighting strong, and he is a little miracle. My bump is starting to drop down now too.  Blog has had 10789 views to date, I can’t believe how well it is doing and how many views that it has had.

17^th October 2012, we are now 39 weeks in to the pregnancy, I never thought in a million years that we would ever get this far, Angelo is so active, he’s far too comfy in my belly and is showing no sign of appearing anytime soon. I saw the midwife again today, my bump is measuring 36 centimetres, Angelo’s heart rate was 130bpm and he is now engaged in my pelvis by 2/5. Angelo is such a fighter, he’s so strong. I see my consultant again next week on Thursday (25/10/12) and I see the midwife again on 29/10/12. With any luck I have had him by then but at the moment he’s far too comfortable. Our blog has now had 11598 views.

21^st October 2012, we are now 39 weeks and 4 days in to our pregnancy; we have got 3 days left until Angelo’s due date, a stage where we never thought that we would ever get too. Our son is such a little fighter, he’s a miracle already. Angelo is still fighting and proving all of the doctor’s wrong, we are so proud of him and what he has already achieved in these past few months. We can’t believe how far we have come from when we first found out in the beginning and to where we are now, Angelo loves to play football with his daddy even though he is a bit quieter than what he was but he is still moving about. He plays football first thing in the morning and last thing at night; occasionally he plays football throughout the day but not very often. The question is now are we going to have any more bump photos or will we have pictures of Angelo. Who knows what will happen apart from Angelo, Angelo is being just like his dad and likes to keep me waiting just like his daddy. I know Angelo will come when he’s ready, but please come soon son as mummy and daddy would like to meet you and have you in our arms, Mummy would also like to have her body back now too, please and thank you son, we love you so much, carry on fighting and proving them doctors wrong.  We have had 12383 views of our blog, I am amazed. If it carries on at this rate we will end up with 15000 views before he is born.

25^th October 2012, we are now 40 weeks and 1 day in to the pregnancy, who would have thought I would still have been here now. We saw the consultant at Milton Keynes again today, they did a stretch and sweep and booked me in for induction of labour. The induction has been booked in for Monday 29^th October.  Angelo is now 3/5 engaged in to my pelvis. They said that my cervix was 1centimeter long, 1 centimetre dilated, the cervix is soft and central, and his head is sitting at a station of minus 3.They said the cervix is favourable for induction. They did a scan just to check all of the blood flows to the placenta, cord and to Angelo. His estimated weight is now 5 pounds exactly. I have to ring labour ward at 8am on Monday to ring up to make sure they have a bed for me and for them to give me a time to go in. They can’t confirm that he has got an omphalecele and they are not 100 per cent sure about his heart, we will just have to wait and see what condition he is born in and asses from there. I am having intermittent monitoring as no need for continuous as they won’t act on any signs of fetal distress, they also won’t do a caesarean section for fetal indication, they will only do it for maternal reasons if absolutely necessary. I am scared, apprehensive and excited all at the same time, my head and emotions are everywhere. Yes ok I now have a date but it’s a date where I know that Angelo will become so much more vulnerable, the safest place is for him to be in me but I know that he can’t stay there forever. Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy love you so much, carry on fighting and proving them doctors wrong, you have already stuck your fingers up to them and proved them wrong to even come this far, your mummy and daddy as so proud of you. Angelo pleas be born before Monday as mummy really doesn’t want inducing, mummy wants to be left to do it on her own. Our blog has had 13865 views to date.

27^th October 2012, we are now 40 weeks and 3 days in to the pregnancy, I had a very bad night, I went to bed at about 11pm and fell asleep at about 1am, I was awake by 4am with bad back ache and period type pains that were going down my legs and in to my thighs. I got up at about half 5 and was walking around the house as I was so uncomfortable, I had some paracetamol at 6 and went back to bed to try and go back to sleep. I fell back asleep and woke up at 8.30, I still had period type pains, I got up at 9 and went to the bathroom, and I had a very bloody show. I rang my mum and rang labour ward. Labour ward asked me a lot of questions and told me to stay at home for as long as I could manage, they did tell me due to me being anxious about being in Northampton and having to travel to Milton Keynes, I could go in to be assessed if I wanted to but if they assessed me and I was not in established labour then I would be sent home again. I told them that I would stay at home for now, they told me to have a bath and have some paracetamol and if I wanted to go in at any point then to ring them up again. I had a bath but this made it worse so I got out, got dried and dressed and put my TENS machine on. I came downstairs and had a cup of tea and 2 bits of toast, later on I had a banana. I have spent most of the morning sitting bouncing on my ball and listening to music. I have also spent some of the morning on my laptop on facebook talking to my friends. I was supposed to go to town this morning for a cup of tea and a catch up with one of my friends but its defiantly not going to happen now today, I may try and go for a walk at lunch time with the in-laws and the dogs to keep things going and try to speed it up at bit. Angelo Jack please be born before Monday so that mummy doesn’t have to be induced, this is painful enough as it is but I have to keep thinking that each pain is 1 pain closer to meeting our special boy. Carry on fighting and prove them doctors wrong, you need to meet so many special people; we all love you so much. I rang the hospital again at 3pm telling them I was coming in as I could no longer cope at home, Joel went and picked up my mum and came back to pick me up. We got to the hospital at about 15.45; I was examined at about 5pm and was found to be 8centimeteres. I was using the entonox when I got to the hospital as the contractions were more intense. Of course Joel had a few puffs of the entonox, I don’t remember much about my labour, and I can’t even remember the name of my midwife who delivered Angelo. Angelo Jack was born at 18.39, he was born alive, and he was given oxygen and assessed. He was dried and wrapped and given to us. Angelo didn’t pass until he had met his mummy, daddy, nanny, grandad, auntie Laurissa, Uncle Nicholas, peter nanny, pappy and his auntie Mel. He had a cuddle with everyone before he passed. Angelo Jack is just so perfect in every way. He passed and went to be with his great grandad, great grandma, Auntie Andrea and all his T18 friends at 20.30 on 27^th October 2012. Angelo weighed a perfect 4 pounds 11 ounces and was 48.5 centimetres long.

Everyone left the hospital by 10.30 pm and left me and Joel with Angelo Jack. I had to leave Angelo with his daddy as I had to go to theatre to be stitched up as Angelo shot out of me so quickly that he gave me a 3^rd degree tare. I wasn’t impressed about having to go to theatre and have a spinal done to make me numb so that they could repair me. The spinal scared me even more than the labour pains, I am so proud of myself for the fact that I did my whole labour only using entonox, tens machine and paracetamol. Mum and Joel watched Angelo be born, they said that he flew out of me; the midwife said he came out so quick that the remaining water behind him flew across the room and hit the curtain, door and the neonatal doctor. The midwife also told me that Angelo was born with his head back and looking up to the sky; he was being a star gazer. Malcolm came from now I lay me down to sleep and took some photos of us and of Angelo. Angelo is just so perfect in every way, he’s far too beautiful for this earth, and I know he will be watching over us from above.

28^th October 2012, Tracy the bereavement midwife came in to see us today, she did the casts and foot prints of Angelo’s feet with us, we have got a lock of his hair. Overnight last night I had Joel and Angelo in bed with me, we all slept together and had cuddles together. We got Angelo put in the Angel room for tonight, we gave him a kiss and a cuddle and said goodnight to him and that we would see him in the morning. The midwife took him to the angel room, I fell asleep eventually. Auntie Terrie and Uncle Paul came in today to see us along with my Nan. They came in and had a cuddle with Angelo. Katie came in too today to come and see us.

 29^th October 2012, I saw my consultant today, he was happy for me to go home whenever I was ready. My god parents came in to see us, Uncle Mick and Auntie Maureen had a cuddle with Angelo, Uncle Mick sat talking to Angelo and rocking him, he was over the moon with him. Mathew and Jessica came in yesterday too; they both had a cuddle with Angelo too. We left the hospital to come home at about 8pm that was the hardest thing to do, knowing that I had to leave our special little boy behind. I will be sorting out his funeral arrangements with our family over the next few days. The sooner the better because then we can get Angelo home where he belongs.

30^th October 2012, I am home but feeling so empty. I am so proud of our son, I carried him for 40 weeks and 3 days, we spent some precious time with our special boy, and we created so many memories. I know he will be watching over us, he will be playing games up in heaven. Angelo will always be with us where ever we go; he will always live in our heart and mind. I carry his blanket around everywhere with me because it’s got his smell on it, gives me a bit of comfort knowing I have that with me. Angelo Jack we love you so much, miss you so much already too. X x x x x x x x Good night Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy love you so much, fly high baby boy, watch over us, guide us and give us strength.

31^st October 2012, I had to go and register Angelo’s birth and death today. The hardest thing was registering his death. My boobs started leaking last night too; it hurts so much thinking that there is milk there that won’t be getting used, when it should be getting used by Angelo. Tracy came to see me today, she bought me the casts of Angelo’s feet, they are amazing, and they have come out so clear. We will never forget his little feet, they mean everything to us. Angelo sent us a rainbow today, it was as bright and clear as you like, I took a photo of it but it’s very very faint on the photo even though it was very bright in the sky, I think Angelo is playing games with us and being a right cheeky little monkey. Thank you so much Angelo, you have made mummy’s day, I love you so much son.