September 2016

We had a straight forward pregnancy even though we were under consultant care and classed as high risk. it was a mixture of emotions throughout the pregnancy.  Our 2nd rainbow was  born 5 days  early, We had a beautiful little boy who arrived in to this world on 13th September 2016 at 11:39 weighing 8lb 14oz, we named him Andreas Jack Smith. we got out of hospital and  came home 14th September 2016. He doing really well, he has been to kingsthorpe crematory with his big sister and met his big brother, we tell him about Angelo every day and know that he is watching over us. Angelo we will never forget you, we love you so much, Love Mummy, Daddy, Alicia Jasmine and your new little brother Andreas Jack x x x x

December 2015

This is a strange month as i am still feeding Alicia and on the pill, I have just come out of hospital with Alicia as shes been poorly with bronchilitis,  i have just found out i am pregnant again with baby number 3 that is due the 18th September 2016. I'm not sure how to feel about this as it defiantly was not planned but i belief that its meant to be and that everything happens for a reason, hopefully this pregnancy will be as straight forward as Alicia's.

January 2015

We had a straight forward pregnancy even though we were under consultant care and classed as high risk. it was a mixture of emotions throughout the pregnancy. there was times where our rainbow had reduced movements and had to be monitored more. Our rainbow was too impatient and was born 4 weeks early, We had a beautiful little girl who arrived in to this world on 28th January at 20:03 weighing 6lb 120z, we named her Alicia Jasmine Smith. Alicia had to be taken to the special care baby unit 2 hours after she was born as she was having problems breathing and needed some help, she spent 7 days on there before being allowed on the ward with me. She then lost a lot of weight and had problems establishing her feeding and had jaundice. we got out of hospital and eventually came home 6th February 2015. She is now doing really well, she has been to kingsthorpe crematory and met her big brother, we tell her about him every day and know that he is watching over us. Angelo we will never forget you, we love you so much, Love Mummy, Daddy and your little sister Alicia Jasmine. x x x

June 2014

I found out that we were pregnant with our rainbow on 14th June, i was scared and excited all at the same time, Angelo Jack had sent us our rainbow, hand picked by him and sent to us. Our Rainbow was due 23rd Febuary 2015.

May 2014

We are off on our 1st Holiday together since we lost Angelo, we are taking one of his small bears with us so that we have a small part of him with us. We are flying to Zante in Greece on 13th May, so excited for it. While we are away we will write angelo's name in the sand and take a photo so he comes with us on holiday too.While we were in Greece i had a sneeky suspicion that i was pregnant, i wasn't sure so just ignored it and carried on enjoying our holiday.

November 2013

16^th November, I can’t believe it has been a year since your funeral, it has gone by so quickly, mummy and daddy have been talking about burring your ashes at kingsthorpe crematory as we have come to a point in our lives where it’s time to move on but never forget, you will always be loved and never forgotten as you are our special little boy

20^th November, today mummy and daddy have laid you to rest at kingsthorpe, we will visit you everyday but it’s now time for you to be laid to rest so that you can rest in peace, fly high our special little man, love you to the moon and back again.

October 2013

26^th October, today is the day that we are having your party for your 1^st birthday, i hope you are watching over us and laughing and smiling at your mummy and daddy as we have a good time just for you, we played on the bouncy castle, released balloons and lanterns, we hope you got them, love you lots and miss you millions.

27^th October 2012, Happy 1^st Birthday Angelo Jack, this is a picture of his birthday cake, made by his great grandma, we still celebrated his birthday even though you are up in heaven.

September 2013

I am so pleased to say that we have been nominated for the butterfly awards and that we have got to the final stage for voting, to say i am overwhelmed is an understatement.

The butterfly awards is an annual event, it is a special black tie/ cocktail dress event where people from all over the UK will come together to celebrate and recognize the achievements of families over coming baby loss and the health care professionals that support them. There are 14 categories and we have been nominated for author/blogger which is international. We are 1 of 7 people who have been nominated for this award. It opens for voting on 1st October 2013 and we have to get as many votes as possible. The awards ceremony will take place on 19th October 2013 in Birmingham. When i can share my profile i will be sharing it on to my blog. I hope all the people who have read and followed our journey will support us and help us to get as many votes as possible. Thank You for reading and supporting us.

 I am overwhelmed to get this far as i never thought in a million years that i would even get this far, I want to thank everyone who nominated me and our blog and thank everyone for there ongoing support through our journey

The voting for the butterfly awards is now open, please head over to our profile and vote for us, the link is http://www.thebutterflyawards.com/index.php/voting/userprofile/stacey89

Thank you to everyone for all their support.

We didn’t win an award at the butterfly awards but i am so proud of what i have achieved and to get as far as i did, part of it is raising awareness of trisomy 18 in memory of my son and keeping his legacy and memory alive.

December 2012

1^st December 2012, Angelo Jack you should be 5 weeks old today. Today is also your Auntie Laurissa’s 6^th birthday. Mummy completed your project with the help of Nanny and Uncle Nicholas. All your Christmas tree ornaments are nearly gone already, I can’t believe how quick they have gone but it’s amazing as there is many people who want to have one to remember a very special little boy. Mummy is going to have to make more for you to keep up with the demand for them, just can’t believe how well they have gone down. It’s all for you Angelo Jack my special little boy. Mummy and Daddy miss you millions and loves you with all my heart but all your little projects are helping me as I know you will live on in many people hearts.

 3^rd December 2012, there are lots of projects going on all around the world in memory of our little angels. A lot of people are doing angel trees, others are making graphics. Here are the ones that have been done for Angelo Jack.

7^th December 2012, I went to London with Joel, we went to Saint Paul’s church for the SANDS lights of love service. It was amazing, it was a lovely service. We lit candles for Angelo and remembered our special little boy.  We stayed in a hotel for the night and had a walk around London. We went to winter wonderland and then back to the hotel. It was a nice break away and a nice change of scenery.

8^th December 2012, while we were in London we went to Saint Paul’s cathedral before coming home. We had a look around the cathedral and walked up to the whispering gallery. While we were there we lit a candle for Angelo. Angelo Jack it is your daddy’s birthday today but you should also be 6 weeks old as well today. Mummy and Daddy love you so much. I went out on my first night out since having Angelo, I went to a lady’s night with mum and wow it was a good night.

9^th December 2012, I went to a children’s Christmas party with mum and the kids today, I am so proud of myself as I had a cuddle with a 6month old little boy, it’s the first cuddle I have had with a baby since I had Angelo. It was hard but yet it felt so right. I feel that Angelo is saying its ok mummy, it’s time to move on, he says I am healed now I’m in heaven and now it’s time for you to heal. I will always love you Angelo Jack, I will never forget you. You will always live in my heart and through me you will live on now and always.

10^th December 2012, I went to the hospital today to see the consultant with regards to the 3^rd degree tear that I had from having Angelo. They explained what it was and have said that I got it because Angelo was back to back and was born being a star gazer with his head extended back and the fact that he was born so quickly too. They have given me some good news and have said that they are happy for me to have another normal birth again in the future as I have had no major problems. They have said that it’s healing very well so all in all a very good day.  I have created another memorial page for Angelo today too, the link is http://angelo-jack-smith.gonetoosoon.org/ feel free to go on and leave a candle or a written tribute.

13^th December 2012, I received a letter in the post this morning saying that one of your balloons had been found, It was found between clapthorn and upper Benfield near oundle, it was found on the 7^th December, the day before your Daddy’s birthday.

14^th December 2012, I rang the gentleman up who found your balloon and asked him which one it was and he informed me that it was the red and silver love heart that mummy and daddy released for you. I thanked him very much for sending us a little note and also for sending us back the note that mummy attached to your balloon.

16th December 2012, i set up a fundraising page on Facebook for Angelo Jack, the link for this page is https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angelo-Jacks-Special-Star/464223330303095. Angelo Jack you are so special to us, not a day goes by where we don't think about you. Angelo's Christmas tree decorations are selling extremely well.

23rd December 2012, today is Mummy's birthday, its so hard knowing that i should have an 8 week old baby here celebrating with me. Its my 1st birthday as a Mummy and you should be here with me not up in the clouds.Your Daddy bought me my 1st Mum card and made me cry with it, i know you are always with me Angelo. Love you so much Angelo Jack.

25th December 2012, Christmas day was so hard without you, my mind did nothing but think about you, Mummy had a few tears, and Daddy was working. Both of your Nanny’s had a few tears too. We all miss you dearly but there’s not a day that goes by where we don’t think about you.  Angelo Jack you should be here with us celebrating your 1st Christmas with us, Mummy and Daddy miss you so much it hurts, we ask our selves will it ever get any easier, will our hearts ever mend.  Daddy bought me a star to remember you by, it means the world to me, Nanny and pappy got us a tree in your memory, Nanny and Grandad got us a pooh bear with angel wings in your memory, you will never ever be forgotten. Love you and miss you millions son. I just wish I could turn back the hands of time and have you here with us. We miss you so much Angelo Jack.

29th December 2012. We are doing well with your page, we have 98 likes on it all ready  we are hoping to get it to 100 by the new year. Together we will raise awareness of T18 and together you will live on through your memory and in us. Love you so much Angelo Jack.

31st December 2012, we are at 100 likes on your fundraising page. The link is https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angelo-Jacks-Special-Star/464223330303095

Please check us out, Like and share, help us to get the awareness of T18 out there and open up people eyes. Thank you for your support throughout our pregnancy, please carry on supporting us by helping us to get the awareness out there. Thank you

November 2012

2^nd November 2012, Angelo came back to Northampton today; he’s finally at the funeral directors.  Angelo was playing games this morning, the cheeky little monkey that he is, I heard the knocker go on the door 4 times, I got up to have a look, there was nobody at the door then I heard the letter box go and I got up to have a look and again nobody was there. I believe it was his way of saying mummy I’m home and I’m still around, I’m watching over you. Me and Joel went to see him this afternoon, I walked in the room and he was wrapped in his monkey blanket and dressed in his mummy’s little man vest and I love daddy baby grow. I had to unwrap him from his blanket and check to make sure he was left in the same clothes that we put him in and that he had his nappy on. He looked so peaceful and perfect laid in a white Moses basket. He looked like he was sleeping. We put his teddy bear in with him as he looked so small and lost in the Moses basket. I picked him up and had a cuddle; daddy had a cuddle with him too. We sat talking to him and telling him stories. Daddy was farting and blaming Angelo, We lit a candle for him as there were candles in the room with him. We sat with Angelo for about an hour and then went to mums after. I gave Angelo a kiss and put him back in the Moses basket and told him I loved him and I would see him tomorrow with daddy and his great grandparents. When we went to mums Laurissa gave me a picture that she drew for Angelo, she said Stacey send this to Angelo so when we go and see him again tomorrow morning I will put it in with him for her.

3^rd November 2012, took Joel’s grandparents to go and see Angelo today, they were over the moon with him. Went to town with Joel today too, went to the tattoo shop with Angelo’s footprints, told them what I wanted doing and they are designing me my tattoo using his footprints. I am going back to see Angelo on Monday after we have sorted out his funeral arrangements. I can’t wait to see the design for my special tattoo.  I set up a memorial page to Angelo, The link is http://angelo.jack.smith.27.10.2012.muchloved.com/frame.aspx?. You can light candles on there and write little messages to Angelo too.

5^th November 2012, Midwife came to see me at home again today; she has taken my notes away to copy for me and will bring them back to me on Thursday so that I have a copy to keep. I won’t be discharged from midwifery care yet as they feel it’s too soon to discharge me and want to keep a closer eye on me. I have to go to the funeral directors this afternoon to sort out Angelo’s funeral with his daddy, then I can go and have my cuddle with Angelo and see our special little boy. We received Angelo’s photos in the post this morning from now I lay me down to sleep. A few of our favourite photos are below.

6^th November 2012, went and saw my godmother today, had such a laugh over there, Nanny gnome said she had a white feather on her pyjama bottoms this morning, I believe Angelo sent it to her. Angelo was playing games with the front door again today too, it kept knocking but nobody was there, he’s being so cheeky. We went and saw Angelo with his daddy. We spent an hour with him before we came home.

7^th November 2012, should have a phone call today with a date being confirmed for Angelo’s funeral. We have asked for family flowers only and then anyone else can make a donation to Angelo’s fund to get his charity set up for 4d scans so that we can pay for other people with trisomy babies to have them done. Rang the midwife again today as my wound down below is starting to open up, I have to go to the doctors and get another 2 courses of antibiotics. Angelo Jack is determined to make mummy wait even longer to have her vodka. The vicar rang us today to arrange an appointment to come and see us; he’s coming tomorrow morning at 11am to arrange the funeral service arrangements for Angelo Jack. We went and spent an hour with Angelo; I gave him a cuddle and lots of kisses and sat talking to him and telling him stories about his mummy and daddy. We put him back in his Moses basket and said goodnight to him, told him we loved him and that we would be back tomorrow.  

 

8^th November 2012, my midwife came to see me again today, she’s on holiday for 2 weeks now and will come and see me again when she gets back. The vicar father Nicholas came to see us today to discuss Angelo’s service with us and what we wanted. We have decided that Angelo will travel with us and we will carry him in. We will have family flowers only and anyone else can make a donation to get Angelo’s charity started up. Angelo’s funeral is on Wednesday 14^th November at 11am.We went and saw Angelo again today, spent an hour with him, we told him stories about mummy and daddy.

9^th November 2012, we went in to town today to have a look at the designs for Angelo Jack’s special tattoo that we are having done. Wow my butterfly design is amazing, it’s so much better than I imagined. I am going to have it done tomorrow so that it’s done before his funeral on Wednesday and then I will always have a part of him with me. Going to see Angelo this afternoon and I will be telling him all about his special tattoo. Mummy and Daddy love you so much Angelo Jack.

10^th November 2012, we went and saw Angelo this morning, spent an hour with him, talking to him and having cuddles with him. We told him all about out tattoos and that today is the day that we finally get them done. After we had had our cuddle with him we put him back in to the Moses basket with his bears, drawings that Laurissa and Peter done, photo of Mummy and Daddy, poem that Auntie Jean wrote and his red rose from Mummy and Daddy. We said goodnight, told him that we loved him and that we would be back on Monday afternoon to see him again. This afternoon we went to have our special tattoos done in memory of Angelo Jack, ouch it was painful but Angelo is worth every ounce of pain. I absolutely love our tattoos; they are amazing and mean so much to us.

 12^th November 2012, went to see Angelo again today, spent an hour with him. We were talking to him and telling him stories. Miss him so much already, I just wish I could make everything all right and bring him back to us.

13^th November 2012, going to see Angelo for the last time today before his funeral tomorrow, absolutely dreading it, feel sick to the stomach just thinking about it. I don’t want to let my son go and say goodbye to him, I want him to be with here with us and not for him to be an angel. It’s just not fair, we would of looked after him and loved him, it’s such a cruel world, it makes me so angry when you look around at people and at the world and you see so much of people that are not looking after their children properly or dumping their children on every tom dick and harry. I still can’t stop asking myself questions, why did this happen to us? Why were we given our son for him to be taken away? I try and think positive and look forward to the future but it’s not always easy. We went and saw Angelo Jack again today for the last time, we sat talking to him and holding him close. For me it’s been a day of tears, it was hard knowing I was seeing him for the last time and leaving him behind. We put him back in his Moses basket, gave him a kiss and said goodnight to our precious boy. I left in tears today but I know that Angelo will always be with me, he will always be in my heart and watching over me. I love you so much Angelo Jack, you are the brightest star in the sky shining so brightly.

14^th November 2012, today is the day of Angelo’s funeral, I hardly slept last night but then neither did Joel. I was up at 7.30 this morning, fighting back the tears. I went on my laptop to try and distract my mind; we went and got ready at 10am. Angelo came home briefly at 10.30; we left at 10.35 to get up to the crematorium for 11am. We travelled with Angelo and held on to him in his coffin all the way up. We carried his coffin in to lay our precious boy to rest. We put his coffin down and told him we loved him and gave him a kiss goodnight. We lit our precious sons candle at the beginning of the service and blew it out for him at the end. We had I’m your angel by Celine Dion played when we bought him in and fly by Celine Dion when we came out. I don’t think there was a dry eye in the crematorium. It was a beautiful service. We only had family flowers and those who wish to have made donations to Angelo’s fund in his memory, we are using his fund to set up a charity to pay for other people with trisomy’s to pay for them to have 4d scans. We came home and had something to eat and plenty of drinks, we let Angelo’s balloons off at home as they were going to be done at the crematorium but we both forgot about them being in the car so we just bought them home and done it at home. Each balloon had a little note attached to the string explaining why it was released and for whoever finds them to write a card or a letter back to us telling us where it was found and which balloon it was that they have found. 4 balloons were released in total and we also released some lateens when it was dark. It was beautiful, well until one got stuck in the tree in the garden so dad had to get up the step ladder and release it with the washing line pole so that it could carry on floating up in to the night sky. There had to be 1 that got stuck in the tree and didn’t want to float away, we were all laughing.

15^th November 2012, we sorted out the house today and tried to get back to normality as best as we can. We took Angelo’s flowers up to the crematory and put them on to my Grandad’s grave, my big sister’s grave and Michael’s grave. They look absolutely beautiful on their graves. I kept 2 bunches of flowers at home and put them on the table. Love you so much Angelo Jack, can’t stop thinking about you my special boy.

17^th November 2012, Angelo Jack you should be 3 weeks old today, not a day goes by where Mummy and Daddy don’t think about you. I can’t believe how quick all this time has gone, it’s just flown by. One day just seems to roll in to the next. Mummy and Daddy miss you so much son, it’s not the fact of knowing you have gone to be an angel its knowing you are never coming back that’s killing us more than anything else. We will have you home soon and believe me that day can’t come quick enough, we just want your ashes home so that you are at home with us and where you belong.

19^th November 2012, we finally got our precious little boy home today; he’s now at home, home where he belongs. So glad he’s home, now I might be able to relax a bit more because I know he’s safe here with us. He’s staying at home with us for as long as we want him here until we are ready to bury him. Angelo is sitting on top of the chest of draws with all his teddy bears and underneath the casts of his feet. Love you so much Angelo Jack, miss you millions but I know you are always in your mummy’s and daddy’s mind and heart. You are the brightest star in the sky and you are watching over us.

24^th November 2012, Angelo Jack you should be 4 weeks old today. Mummy is going to start on a little project just for you. Mummy is going to make stars and angels Christmas tree decorations and then mummy will sell them to raise money for your fund. I am doing it for three reasons, one is so that my son’s memory lives on, two to raise awareness of Edwards’s syndrome and three to enable us to help other mums who have a fatal diagnosis and choose to carry on with their pregnancy.

October 2012

3^rd October 2012, we are now 37 weeks exactly; Angelo is doing very well and still proving the doctors wrong. I my midwife again today, she is very happy with Angelo and with me; she too is hoping and praying for a miracle. My bump is measuring 34 centimetres today so he is still growing. Angelo is 4/5 palpable so only 1/5 of his head is engaged in to my pelvis, I am surprised at this after moving stuff over the weekend. Angelo’s heart rate is nice and regular, it was 134 beats per minute today. I am going back to see my midwife again at 39 weeks, well providing I haven’t already had him and I see my consultant next week. Angelo still likes to play football with his daddy and with mummy’s ribs. I should be getting my pictures back next week too from our photo shoot so I will be sure to put some of them on so you can all see them.

4^th October 2012, I spent the afternoon and evening at mum and dad’s house, I went and picked Laurissa up from school, we did the usual routine of going to the cake shop and then over to the other shop for magazine and sweets. When we got home she sat poking my belly trying to get Angelo to move but he wouldn’t move. I had some dinner and a cold drink, we sat reading Laurissa’s magazine and Angelo decided he was going to start moving and kicking. Laurissa put her hand on my belly and could feel him giving her nice big kicks and moving about, she loved it; her face was amazing to watch her expressions. Later on in the evening she came back for me, she was poking my belly to try to make him move but he wouldn’t move, mum sat squirming at Laurissa poking my belly, me and Laurissa did nothing but laugh at mum.  Mum sat the other side of the room and could see Angelo moving about in my belly. The daft dog decided it was going to cuddle up to me and use my belly as a pillow, well that is until Angelo decided to move and kick the dog then the dog looked at me gone out and moved.

5^th October 2012, we are 37 weeks and 2 days, only another 19 days until his due date, Angelo is doing so well. We are so proud of him. I am finding it so hard to stay positive now. When I go out I always get asked how long I have left, what I am having. These are so hard to answer as I don’t know the outcome with our son; I don’t know how much time that we have left with him, all I know is that he is poorly and nothing can change it. I am scared of not knowing how much time we have left with him, if I had a magic wand and could make it all go away then I would, my only wish is that I have our son with us forever and for him not to poorly. Angelo Jack mummy and daddy love you so much, you are out little miracle and our star. X x x x x x x x x

6^th October 2012, we are now 37 weeks and 3 days, only another 18 days left until Angelo’s due date.  Angelo has been sticking out his feet and arms out of the side of my belly. I have been out with mum and Laurissa most of the day today, bought Angelo a £30 bear for 20 pence, bargain of the day. Had a lovely take away with Joel then went up to blockbuster and rented some DVD’s, spent the evening in front of the tele chilling out and cuddled up watching different DVD’s. I had a look at the statics for our blog as well today; it has had 9048 views, let’s see if we can get it to 10000 views by the time Angelo is born. 

8^th October 2012, we are now 37 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. I have been back to Milton Keynes again today and seen my consultant. Dad came with me as Joel was at work, the consultant did another scan. He said that Angelo has got ridiculously long legs. Angelo was being stubborn as he kept kicking and moving while my scan was being done, he was kicking the probe when trying to check the blood flows to him and the placenta, trying to scan his head to get a measurement he kept shaking his head. I am convinced he was saying no you’re not getting me today. My consultant is happy with Angelo and with me and says that I don’t have to go back and see him again until the 25^th October. Hopefully I have had him by then as I really don’t want to be induced. I just have to see my midwife every week just to keep an eye on everything. Angelo is so active; he’s always moving and playing football with his daddy’s hand.

10^th October 2012, we are now 38 weeks and Angelo is still going strong and fighting. Only another 2 weeks left until his due date. We got our special disk back today with the pictures on from our photo shoot, I will put some of them on to here but you can view them all on Angelo’s page on facebook, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/. Angelo got bought a lovely vest with his name on from his nanny and granddad too, it’s so cute. Angelo is making us so proud by getting this far and still fighting, he is our little miracle and we love him so much. Had a look at the stats for Angelo’s blog today, we have hit the 10 thousand mark and gone past it, we are now at 10282 views. I am amazed, so proud of our son, can’t believe we have gone past the 10 thousand mark, our target was 10 thousand by the time he’s born and we have hit that before he’s even born. Just want to say thank you to everyone who is reading and following our blog, feel free to share it, it will help us to get the awareness out there and open medical professional’s eyes. It will get the positives out in to this world that will help others that just get told the negatives and nothing positive.

14^th October 2012, we are now 38 weeks and 4 days in to the pregnancy, Angelo is doing well, he’s fighting strong, and he is a little miracle. My bump is starting to drop down now too.  Blog has had 10789 views to date, I can’t believe how well it is doing and how many views that it has had.

17^th October 2012, we are now 39 weeks in to the pregnancy, I never thought in a million years that we would ever get this far, Angelo is so active, he’s far too comfy in my belly and is showing no sign of appearing anytime soon. I saw the midwife again today, my bump is measuring 36 centimetres, Angelo’s heart rate was 130bpm and he is now engaged in my pelvis by 2/5. Angelo is such a fighter, he’s so strong. I see my consultant again next week on Thursday (25/10/12) and I see the midwife again on 29/10/12. With any luck I have had him by then but at the moment he’s far too comfortable. Our blog has now had 11598 views.

21^st October 2012, we are now 39 weeks and 4 days in to our pregnancy; we have got 3 days left until Angelo’s due date, a stage where we never thought that we would ever get too. Our son is such a little fighter, he’s a miracle already. Angelo is still fighting and proving all of the doctor’s wrong, we are so proud of him and what he has already achieved in these past few months. We can’t believe how far we have come from when we first found out in the beginning and to where we are now, Angelo loves to play football with his daddy even though he is a bit quieter than what he was but he is still moving about. He plays football first thing in the morning and last thing at night; occasionally he plays football throughout the day but not very often. The question is now are we going to have any more bump photos or will we have pictures of Angelo. Who knows what will happen apart from Angelo, Angelo is being just like his dad and likes to keep me waiting just like his daddy. I know Angelo will come when he’s ready, but please come soon son as mummy and daddy would like to meet you and have you in our arms, Mummy would also like to have her body back now too, please and thank you son, we love you so much, carry on fighting and proving them doctors wrong.  We have had 12383 views of our blog, I am amazed. If it carries on at this rate we will end up with 15000 views before he is born.

25^th October 2012, we are now 40 weeks and 1 day in to the pregnancy, who would have thought I would still have been here now. We saw the consultant at Milton Keynes again today, they did a stretch and sweep and booked me in for induction of labour. The induction has been booked in for Monday 29^th October.  Angelo is now 3/5 engaged in to my pelvis. They said that my cervix was 1centimeter long, 1 centimetre dilated, the cervix is soft and central, and his head is sitting at a station of minus 3.They said the cervix is favourable for induction. They did a scan just to check all of the blood flows to the placenta, cord and to Angelo. His estimated weight is now 5 pounds exactly. I have to ring labour ward at 8am on Monday to ring up to make sure they have a bed for me and for them to give me a time to go in. They can’t confirm that he has got an omphalecele and they are not 100 per cent sure about his heart, we will just have to wait and see what condition he is born in and asses from there. I am having intermittent monitoring as no need for continuous as they won’t act on any signs of fetal distress, they also won’t do a caesarean section for fetal indication, they will only do it for maternal reasons if absolutely necessary. I am scared, apprehensive and excited all at the same time, my head and emotions are everywhere. Yes ok I now have a date but it’s a date where I know that Angelo will become so much more vulnerable, the safest place is for him to be in me but I know that he can’t stay there forever. Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy love you so much, carry on fighting and proving them doctors wrong, you have already stuck your fingers up to them and proved them wrong to even come this far, your mummy and daddy as so proud of you. Angelo pleas be born before Monday as mummy really doesn’t want inducing, mummy wants to be left to do it on her own. Our blog has had 13865 views to date.

27^th October 2012, we are now 40 weeks and 3 days in to the pregnancy, I had a very bad night, I went to bed at about 11pm and fell asleep at about 1am, I was awake by 4am with bad back ache and period type pains that were going down my legs and in to my thighs. I got up at about half 5 and was walking around the house as I was so uncomfortable, I had some paracetamol at 6 and went back to bed to try and go back to sleep. I fell back asleep and woke up at 8.30, I still had period type pains, I got up at 9 and went to the bathroom, and I had a very bloody show. I rang my mum and rang labour ward. Labour ward asked me a lot of questions and told me to stay at home for as long as I could manage, they did tell me due to me being anxious about being in Northampton and having to travel to Milton Keynes, I could go in to be assessed if I wanted to but if they assessed me and I was not in established labour then I would be sent home again. I told them that I would stay at home for now, they told me to have a bath and have some paracetamol and if I wanted to go in at any point then to ring them up again. I had a bath but this made it worse so I got out, got dried and dressed and put my TENS machine on. I came downstairs and had a cup of tea and 2 bits of toast, later on I had a banana. I have spent most of the morning sitting bouncing on my ball and listening to music. I have also spent some of the morning on my laptop on facebook talking to my friends. I was supposed to go to town this morning for a cup of tea and a catch up with one of my friends but its defiantly not going to happen now today, I may try and go for a walk at lunch time with the in-laws and the dogs to keep things going and try to speed it up at bit. Angelo Jack please be born before Monday so that mummy doesn’t have to be induced, this is painful enough as it is but I have to keep thinking that each pain is 1 pain closer to meeting our special boy. Carry on fighting and prove them doctors wrong, you need to meet so many special people; we all love you so much. I rang the hospital again at 3pm telling them I was coming in as I could no longer cope at home, Joel went and picked up my mum and came back to pick me up. We got to the hospital at about 15.45; I was examined at about 5pm and was found to be 8centimeteres. I was using the entonox when I got to the hospital as the contractions were more intense. Of course Joel had a few puffs of the entonox, I don’t remember much about my labour, and I can’t even remember the name of my midwife who delivered Angelo. Angelo Jack was born at 18.39, he was born alive, and he was given oxygen and assessed. He was dried and wrapped and given to us. Angelo didn’t pass until he had met his mummy, daddy, nanny, grandad, auntie Laurissa, Uncle Nicholas, peter nanny, pappy and his auntie Mel. He had a cuddle with everyone before he passed. Angelo Jack is just so perfect in every way. He passed and went to be with his great grandad, great grandma, Auntie Andrea and all his T18 friends at 20.30 on 27^th October 2012. Angelo weighed a perfect 4 pounds 11 ounces and was 48.5 centimetres long.

Everyone left the hospital by 10.30 pm and left me and Joel with Angelo Jack. I had to leave Angelo with his daddy as I had to go to theatre to be stitched up as Angelo shot out of me so quickly that he gave me a 3^rd degree tare. I wasn’t impressed about having to go to theatre and have a spinal done to make me numb so that they could repair me. The spinal scared me even more than the labour pains, I am so proud of myself for the fact that I did my whole labour only using entonox, tens machine and paracetamol. Mum and Joel watched Angelo be born, they said that he flew out of me; the midwife said he came out so quick that the remaining water behind him flew across the room and hit the curtain, door and the neonatal doctor. The midwife also told me that Angelo was born with his head back and looking up to the sky; he was being a star gazer. Malcolm came from now I lay me down to sleep and took some photos of us and of Angelo. Angelo is just so perfect in every way, he’s far too beautiful for this earth, and I know he will be watching over us from above.

28^th October 2012, Tracy the bereavement midwife came in to see us today, she did the casts and foot prints of Angelo’s feet with us, we have got a lock of his hair. Overnight last night I had Joel and Angelo in bed with me, we all slept together and had cuddles together. We got Angelo put in the Angel room for tonight, we gave him a kiss and a cuddle and said goodnight to him and that we would see him in the morning. The midwife took him to the angel room, I fell asleep eventually. Auntie Terrie and Uncle Paul came in today to see us along with my Nan. They came in and had a cuddle with Angelo. Katie came in too today to come and see us.

 29^th October 2012, I saw my consultant today, he was happy for me to go home whenever I was ready. My god parents came in to see us, Uncle Mick and Auntie Maureen had a cuddle with Angelo, Uncle Mick sat talking to Angelo and rocking him, he was over the moon with him. Mathew and Jessica came in yesterday too; they both had a cuddle with Angelo too. We left the hospital to come home at about 8pm that was the hardest thing to do, knowing that I had to leave our special little boy behind. I will be sorting out his funeral arrangements with our family over the next few days. The sooner the better because then we can get Angelo home where he belongs.

30^th October 2012, I am home but feeling so empty. I am so proud of our son, I carried him for 40 weeks and 3 days, we spent some precious time with our special boy, and we created so many memories. I know he will be watching over us, he will be playing games up in heaven. Angelo will always be with us where ever we go; he will always live in our heart and mind. I carry his blanket around everywhere with me because it’s got his smell on it, gives me a bit of comfort knowing I have that with me. Angelo Jack we love you so much, miss you so much already too. X x x x x x x x Good night Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy love you so much, fly high baby boy, watch over us, guide us and give us strength.

31^st October 2012, I had to go and register Angelo’s birth and death today. The hardest thing was registering his death. My boobs started leaking last night too; it hurts so much thinking that there is milk there that won’t be getting used, when it should be getting used by Angelo. Tracy came to see me today, she bought me the casts of Angelo’s feet, they are amazing, and they have come out so clear. We will never forget his little feet, they mean everything to us. Angelo sent us a rainbow today, it was as bright and clear as you like, I took a photo of it but it’s very very faint on the photo even though it was very bright in the sky, I think Angelo is playing games with us and being a right cheeky little monkey. Thank you so much Angelo, you have made mummy’s day, I love you so much son.

September 2012

1^st September 2012, we are now 32 weeks and 3 days; I can now officially say that we are due our precious little boy next month. It’s scary but exciting all at the same time. Have had a bit of a downer day today, woke up this morning and just sat and cried, in a way the reality of the unknown hit me in the face, I want our precious little boy now more than ever. I went out to a friend’s house to distract my mind, we made cakes and made dinner, had a right laugh. I came home at about 8pm as had to be online for 8.30pm as there has been a secret stork parcel sitting on my table since Thursday and have been told that I’m under strict instructions not to open it until told, but tonight is finally the night. Have to wait until 9pm though, I had to start it off, had this message Right My GORGEOUS Ladies and Babies, There have been...
80 Babies,
79 Parcels
78 Ladies
32 Posting Days

30 Receiving Days 
Millions of Spreadsheet pages
Hundreds of scared postmen
Countless added grey hairs
1 or 2 Heart Attacks
And a cup full of stress for good measure!
It can only mean one thing.... It's here my beautiful Ladies.... 
♥ SECRET STORK DUE IN OCTOBER 2012 ♥
you have all been SUCH a pleasure to get to know, help and watch you all get so excited over this!!!
Stacey - You are to open first - Nearly all of the ladies in here have helped chip in towards your gift - so from all of us - Lots of Love! ♥
once Stacey has opened the rest of you are good to...
READY - STEADY - GO!!!!!!

I opened it and cried but they were good tears, all I can say is that everyone who has been involved in it has been so thoughtful to me, Joel and Angelo Jack. We can’t thank you all enough.

 2^nd September 2012, I have been out all afternoon today, went to an event to raise money for Emily’s star. This was set up as Emily was another T18 baby, her mum and dad set up Emily’s star to help other children and to raise awareness of Edwards’s syndrome. Emily’s mummy and daddy are lovely people, they can relate to us in what we are going through and they understand us to. We are going to meet up again at some point as we are going to go out for lunch and a cup of tea when we are both free. It has defiantly been a lovely day, we have helped Emily’s star raise over £2000 alone today, they should now be able to register Emily’s star as a charity. I didn’t get home until gone 10pm, am off to bed now as it’s been a long day and I am done in, need some sleep well that’s if Angelo and his daddy let me sleep tonight.

6^th September 2012, we are now 33 weeks and 1 day. Went back to Milton Keynes again today, saw another consultant but he works closely alongside Mr Hanna, he was lovely too, We set up a plan of action with regards to delivery, I will be left to go in to labour on my own, we don’t know when it will be as I have got too much fluid around Angelo, there’s too much fluid because he’s not swallowing properly due to his diaphragmatic hernia, they have said they think he has got heart problems because they can’t see his heart properly but I don’t believe it. I will  get an appointment to see the bereavement midwife Tracy Rae, I will have a last ultrasound done to get good quality pictures over the next couple of weeks, I will get an ultrasound on admission to labour ward to get a last look at our son before I have him providing there is somebody there who can do it, I will have intermittent monitoring in labour but have asked not to be informed if there is any evidence of distress and I will meet with the neonatal team to discuss a plan of action with them. The consultant had a feel of Angelo but could not determine the position as there is too much fluid in the way which is making it harder to feel him. He had a read of my birth plan and is happy to give me what I have written in it. I know I have got some tasks to do before I have Angelo but I can’t do it, I don’t feel that I can. This should be the beginning of a new chapter, but deep down I know it’s the end, I know our son will pass away but I just don’t know when. No matter what time we get with our son we will value and treasure every second of it. Angelo Jack, mummy and daddy are not giving up on you no matter what, you are in control son nobody else, you are the one making the decisions, mummy and daddy love you so much. I can feel you wiggling around while I’m sat updating this, you are a right little wiggle bum.

9^th September 2012, been packing boxes up today ready for moving out at the end of the month, packing Angelo’s things up felt absolutely awful, it felt like I had given up on him and was putting him away forever, I know in a sense it makes it easier that I know we are moving house but at the same time I know I probably won’t be able to use his things. I have kept out his clothes, teddy’s, blankets and his boxes that we have started. They are things that are not going anywhere just yet, in a way they are a comfort to me. When we went to be Angelo decided he was going to play football with his daddy’s hand, my god some of them kicks that he gave were big ones, it’s his way of saying mummy, daddy it’s ok, I’m still here and fighting.

10^th September 2012, had a phone call today from Milton Keynes, I have got my last scan at 2.30 pm tomorrow, I have got all mixed emotions about it, I am also seeing the bereavement midwife tomorrow to, just to discuss our wishes for what we want to be done during and after Angelo’s birth. Had a parcel come from America today too, received a Gemma bear, had a little note with it too, I dived out of bed when I heard the door go because I knew what it was and didn’t want to wait any longer for it. 

11^th September 2012, went to Milton Keynes again today with Joel to have our last scan. Angelo still has the same problems as before, none of them have gone away or got any worse, they say he has a problem with his heart but I don’t believe it. I met Tracy Rae the bereavement midwife today as well. She tried to read my birth plan but couldn’t read it as it was making her cry; she took a copy of it away to read later. Angelo is still growing but not as well as he has been previously, his growth rate has started to drop off, his estimated weight is now 3 lb 10 ozs. I have got extra fluid around him, the deepest pool is not 9.5 cm, I need to edit my birth plan slightly as Milton Keynes have asked us our opinions on resuscitation and ventilation so they will resuscitate and ventilate if we want them to. I have asked for them to do intermittent monitoring of our sons heart beat during labour but I do not want them to discuss with us if our son shows any signs of distress. I will upload a scan picture later on when I have seen dad and scanned it in to the computer.

17^th September 2012, we are now 34 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. We went to Milton Keynes again today to see the neonatal consultant to discuss the plan of action, our wishes, feelings and thoughts. We have told them that we want to give our son the best possible chance and make him as comfortable as possible, we want him to be given oxygen, feeding tube, pain relief and if necessary ventilation but under no circumstances do we want him to be resuscitated. Plan of action is to assess thoroughly at birth, he will be assessed for breathing distress, warmed, dried and stimulated, if he is breathing regularly or gasping he will be given facial oxygen and airway will be opened, if he is not breathing then he will be comforted and given to us, he will not be given forced breaths but will be given oxygen. He will not be given and resuscitative measures i.e. no drugs or chest compressions, he will not be incubated for lung expansion. If he is spontaneously breathing and responds to oxygen and continues to react in a positive way, efforts will be made to transfer him to the neonatal unit. If he deteriorates before he is transferred to the neonatal unit he will be given to us with oxygen. In the neonatal unit he will be given palliative care and constantly assessed, they will keep us informed at every stage. We saw my consultant as well today and had another scan to have a good look at Angelo’s heart, his heart is in the right hand side of his chest, the right hand side of his heart is dilated with a small left side, the septum does not look normal, he has a complex cardiac problem to add to the list of his other problems. Angelo however is still growing and has got ridiculously long legs; his estimated weight is now 3lbs 11ozs. I know we are doing everything that we can possibly do for our son; it just hurts so much to think that he has got another problem so the odds are stacked against him and his chances of survival are further reduced .It hurts to think we probably won’t get to bring our son home. It hurts to think it should be the beginning of a new chapter in our lives but it will be the end. Angelo Jack carry on fighting and proving the wrong, mummy and daddy love you so much.

19^th September 2012, we are 35 weeks exactly, so proud of my little man with what he is achieving. I have been and seen my midwife today, bump is measuring 33 centimetres, Angelo’s heartbeat is nice and regular at 148 beats per minute, and Angelo is starting to move down in to my pelvis, his head is 4/5ths palpable. I had my hair cut off today too, I walked in to the house and looked at Joel, he said excuse me love my wife will be home any minute do you mind leaving? Hello I am your wife, made me laugh so much. We are having a bump photo shoot done at 6.30 tonight, can’t wait for that, so excited. We enjoyed our photo shoot tonight, can’t wait to see the pictures.

21^st September 2012, I had a phone call from the photographers today giving me our username and password for our pictures. I logged straight on and had a look at them, wow they are amazing.

23^rd September 2012, we are now 35 weeks and 4 days, we went to build a bear today, we made our son a special bear, we named it baby Angelo. Angelo has been a right wiggle bum today, he’s been playing his usual games with his daddy, it’s so nice just to lay, feel and watch. I love my two boys so much. 

26^th September 2012, we are now 36 weeks in to the pregnancy, a stage where no doctor said that we would even get too. I am so proud of our special little boy, he’s fighting so hard and proving everyone wrong, he is a little star and such a big fighter. I have got to see my midwife again on the 3^rd October and to see the consultant again on the 8^th October. I have had a look at the statics on our blog as well today; we have now had 8485 views. It has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, France, New Zealand, Germany, Italy, Poland, Slovenia, Russia, South Africa, Netherlands, Canada, Ireland, Switzerland, Argentina, Isle Of Man, Singapore, Gibraltar, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Hungary, Chilli, Philippines and Pakistan. 

30^th September 2012, we are 36 weeks and 4 days in to the pregnancy, it has gone so quickly can’t believe that we are in October tomorrow and I can’t believe we only have 24 days left until Angelo’s due date, it’s scary to think he has fought this far but at the same time no one knows what time we have got left with him. I keep trying to picture his little face in my mind, part of me wants to see him now to see who he looks like and how much hair he’s got but at the same time another part of me wants him to stay put in my belly forever because I know he’s safe where he is. Last night I was sat on the sofa watching tele with Joel’s mum, we were sat eating chocolate buttons, I put a handful of chocolate buttons on my belly and Angelo was kicking them off, it was so funny to watch. It was the first time that Joel’s mum had seen my belly move so much. I am convinced that Angelo was saying mum I’m not your table so move everything off of me, Joel’s mum said that he was saying mum stop eating chocolate, who knows what he was trying to achieve apart from Angelo but he defiantly creates his mummy some lovely little memories. In the terms of t18 babies, Angelo is defiantly a little miracle as he is still going strong and fighting at this late stage in my pregnancy. I just hope and pray every day for a miracle and that he carries on fighting and carries on being a miracle. Angelo Jack your mummy and daddy love you so much and you are so special to everyone in the family. 

August 2012

2^nd August 2012, I went and saw the midwife this afternoon, it wasn’t my usual midwife either, I didn’t like her, she was rude and rather abrupt, dad came with me and he thought the same. Midwife sent me down the hospital to be monitored as Angelo Jack had been having reduced movements yesterday and today. I went down to the hospital at 3pm and came out at about 8.30 pm, 5 and a half hours of boredom, I sat around for the first 2 hours waiting to be seen, I was eventually called and put on to a CTG machine to monitor Angelo Jacks heartbeat and movements, the little sod made me out to be a liar because as soon as I was put on the machine he started moving and going mad, I defiantly have one cheeky boy in my belly who like to keep me on my toes and give me a scare. At about 6.45 they took me off the monitor and sent me for a walk for half an hour to try and get him to quieten down a bit, me and dad went to the canteen to get some dinner as I was starving. I went back to the day unit at about 7.15pm and was put back on the monitor; Angelo Jack was still very active. I sat on the machine and saw the doctor at about 7.50. The doctor had a chat with me, had a look at the trace and was happy to send me home, I finally got home at about 8.30 pm after taking dad underwear shopping.

4^th August 2012, Angelo Jack has been quite active again today; I think he is making up for his quiet spell that he has had this week. I finally had to take my rings off and belly bar out, my rings are feeling very tight and I keep catching my belly bar which is making my belly button red and sore. I feel so bare without them.  We are now 28 weeks and 3 days, he’s still proving the doctors wrong, he is out little fighter and a miracle baby. Carry on fighting Angelo Jack; mummy and daddy love you so much.

12^th August 2012, we are now 29 weeks and 4 days, Angelo was on a quiet day, well until we went to bed, he decided that he was going to start using daddy’s hand as a football, it was so nice to feel and to hear daddy getting excited with every movement and kick that he felt. My belly button is starting to pop out now too.

13^th August 2012 I decided to make a cake today but it was a disaster, I was reading the scales wrong when I was making it and didn’t realise until after. Angelo you are making mummy’s brain turn to mush but I love you so much and wouldn’t change a thing. Looked at the stats for my blog today, we have had 3313 views of our blog to date, it has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, Canada, Russia, Singapore, Gibulatar, Ireland, Germany, France, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Argentina, New Zealand, Australia, Switzerland  Hungary, Chilli, Philippines, Pakistan, and Netherlands.

16^th August 2012, we are now 30 weeks and 1 day in to the pregnancy. I saw the midwife today, bump is still growing, it was measuring 29 centimetres today, heart rate was nice and regular, Angelo is still lying transverse, and he’s been like that since 27 weeks so he must be comfy. The glucose test that I had done came back normal; iron levels came back fine at 12.2, blood group is o positive and has no antibodies either. Just booked a hotel for next weekend to go and meet Mel and Steve (Trisomy Angel baby Liam’s mummy and daddy), so excited for that. I also see a new consultant at another hospital next week too, it seems like they have so much more hope and from speaking to them they are willing to give our son a chance as I know I will not give up without a fight and neither will our son. Angelo has been quite active today, he kicked the midwife when she was listening to his heartbeat and prodding my belly to get a measurement. Angelo the only thing that I wish for is that you would stop making yourself comfy on  my sciatic nerve, it’s so painful for mummy and all daddy can do is call me and old lady and laugh as I keep grabbing on to things to walk around the house and limp. I have such a strong little boy who likes to be cheeky and I know he won’t give up without a fight either. Angelo’s nanny and pappy came back from Norway and bought him back a little moose teddy; they bought us back a beautiful angel.

18^th August 2012 we are now 30 weeks and 3 days in to the pregnancy, it seems like it’s going so quickly. I am getting scared now as Angelo’s due date is getting closer and closer, I know he’s a little fighter but I want him to stay in my belly forever, I want him to stay there as I know he’s ok in there. I feel him move everyday and listen to his heartbeat daily, this is a feeling that I never want to lose. I suppose it’s the fear of the unknown as we take each day as it comes because we don’t know what will happen from day to day. I know while he is in me he’s growing, he has a good heartbeat and he’s safe, I believe it’s the safest place for him. Angelo Jack carry on fighting, mummy and daddy love you so much.

20^th August 2012, we are now 30 weeks and 5 days in to the pregnancy. Today is our 1^st Wedding Anniversary, I have been looking back thinking of our special day, yes we have had many challenges in our 1^st year of marriage but it makes us stronger as a couple, we have overcome the challenges and this is the first year of many. I entered our blog in to a Nuby Blogger Competion too today, it’s a competition for 1^st time mummy’s, I think our blog is a special one as its about us and our special little boy. Only 3 more days until I go to Milton Keynes hospital and see a new consultant who is willing to give our son the best possible chance at life, I’m so excited as I will be having another scan as well so I will get to see our beautiful son again. So excited for the weekend as we are going away for the weekend to meet Liam’s mummy and daddy, really looking forward to it.

22^nd August 2012, we are now 31 weeks exactly. I see my new consultant tomorrow at Milton Keynes hospital. Today is mum and dad’s 3^rd wedding anniversary and they have been together 28 years. Today I have spent most of my day thinking about Angelo but also about my big sister as it would have been her 25^th birthday today. RIP Andrea, you are always in my mind. Happy Birthday sis, love you, xxxxxxx.

23^rd August 2012, I saw my new consultant today, wow he is amazing, and such a lovely man. Angelo still growing, estimated weight now 2lbs 15ozs, have got a bit of polyhydramenious now. Liked the consultant that I saw he’s lovely, yes ok got told the facts and the figures but they are so much more positive, they did another scan and can’t say for definite if he’s got his bowels on the outside or not, abdominal wall is an abnormal shape, consultant agreed with the finding of cyst in the cord and stomach being in the chest cavity. The little bugger is head down and quite low already. I hope he doesn’t think that he’s making an appearance anytime soon. I have got another scan picture to put in, I will do that as soon as I have got dad to scan it in to the computer for me. Off to Sutton Bridge tomorrow to meet Mel and Steve, so excited I can’t wait for it.

24^th August 2012, we left home at 8am this morning and got to Sutton Bridge at 10am, only had to stop once because I needed a wee and to change over driving. Mel and Steve are lovely, we had a laugh, went and checked in to the hotel at about half 6 and then went out for a meal at about half 7. It was a lovely meal, you couldn’t get any more food on to the plate if you tried, you certainly couldn’t moan about the portion sizes. We got back to the hotel at about 10 after going to the garage to get something to drink and to get some ice-cream before going back to the hotel.

25^th August we are now 31 weeks and 4 days, we woke up at 8am, laid in bed until about 9, got up and had a shower, packed everything up before we went back to Mel’s and Steve’s for breakfast. Steve cooks and amazing fry up, he can certainly cook that again for me anytime of the week. We sat chatting and watching tele until Mel had to go work and then left at about 4, went to McDonalds for mcflurry which I finally got after craving it for so long. We got back in to Northampton at about 6; me and Joel went for a meal and then got home at about 7. We are both knackered but it was worth it, the weekend was amazing, it was full of laughs and one that we certainly won’t be forgetting any time soon, can’t wait to do it all over again.

28^th August 2012, we are now 31 weeks and 6 days; Angelo Jack decided he was going to be awkward and stubborn today as he decided he was not going to let me feel him move. I went down the hospital at 1.30pm to get everything checked and he soon started to move about, I got put on the CTG machine for half an hour to check his heart rate and monitor his movements, I felt him once in the whole time that I was on it. Then had to sit and wait for the doctor to review everything. The doctor came around and did another scan on him, he’s growing well, his estimated weight is now 3 pounds and 7 ounces, the doctor checked all of the blood flow to the cord and placenta and said that it is all good, they think the reason that I’m not feeling him as much as I should is because I have got extra fluid around Angelo and that he’s not staying in the same position. He has flipped around and is back with his head under my ribs. I finally got home at 6pm, after another 4 and a half hours being spent down the hospital.

29^th August 2012, we are 32 weeks today. I am so proud of our son as we are somewhere where doctors said we would never get to. Angelo has moved more today, I am enjoying every movement and kick that he gives me. I looked at the stats for our blog today, it has had 6356 views to date, and it seems to have gone mad. It has been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, Russia, Canada, Slovenia, Ireland, New Zealand, Germany, France, Netherlands, Switzerland, Argentina, Isle Of Man, Singapore, Gibraltar, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Hungary, Chilli, Philippines and Pakistan. I can’t believe how many views we have had, I never thought that our blog would be so popular and that it would make our son so famous before he’s even born.

30^th August 2012, I saw the midwife today; Joel came with me and heard his son’s heartbeat nice and clear for the first time. Bump is measuring 30 centimetres so it’s growing well. BP is fine; Angelo’s heartbeat is fine, still nice and strong. Midwife had a look at my birth plan and said it was a very nice birth plan and has got a lovely opening to it. Anglo has been a right little wiggler today, we have been playing games with him too, he would kick me belly so we would poke him back and he would kick again, then we put an oasis bottle lid on my belly and was just sat watching it move when Angelo was moving about. Our little boy is so special to us, he is a little fighter and we are creating every single little memory that we can possibly create with him. Angelo’s favourite game is to use his daddy’s hand as a football. Mummy and Daddy love you so much Angelo Jack Smith.

July 2012

1^st July 2012 we are now 23 weeks and 4 days, little man has been quite active today, was sat watching a video of angel baby Liam and Angelo Jack started to move about and kick me. Been to Mum and Dad’s house for dinner tonight, was absolutely lush, came home took some pictures of my bump and had a shower. Put plenty of coco butter on my belly and then came and sat with Joel chilling out watching American pie again. Got 11 days until I see the midwife again and 27 days until our 4d scan, can’t wait to see our special little boy again. Let’s see if Angelo Jack goes mad when I go to bed again tonight and if he wakes me up again in the morning, he’s a little monkey but I treasure every movement and kick that he gives me, every day is special to us as is every week and month that passes. Each week is another week closer to meeting our special boy and holding him in our arms. Angelo Jack we love you millions.

6^th July 2012, I received a phone call from the hospital giving me a list of appointments to see the paediatric consultant. We are seeing the paediatric consultant of Friday 13^th July 2012 at 10am. I will go and see them armed with my list of questions and will fight to do anything for my son. He has been quite quiet today but has moved a bit, just to reassure myself I listened to his heartbeat when I went to bed, I had it very clear and loud, the clearest I have ever had it, heard it for about 10 minutes then he decided to move away from it and start kicking the monitor the little monkey.

7^th July 2012, I went to Kim and Paul wedding today, little man so active comparing to yesterday, he was kicking my bladder all the way through the service and then when it came to eating a meal he started to kick my ribs. Had lots of pictures taken and I took a few too. The weather wasn’t too bad; it was quite good to us. It makes me laugh because I got up at 8.30am had a shower, put my cream on, got dressed and did my make-up, all of that took me an hour so it was 9.30am before I had any breakfast, I washed up and then put my shoes on and went straight out the door for the bus in town. Had to go and get a pair of tights as the pair I  had were laddered, then walked down to a friend’s house, had a drink, got changed topped up my make-up and then left to go to the wedding. Went to the reception and then Joel came to pick me up at half 5 to go to his parents as we were having a takeaway curry with them. By the time we got home it was about 8.30 pm I was absolutely shattered so went to bed and put the television on in bed and fell asleep with it on.

8^th July 2012, spoke to Nan and Granddad this morning as when I was in town the other day I got some fresh carrots, broccoli and peas. Started preparing dinner and couldn’t remember what to do with the peas so rang Granddad to ask him, he found it hilarious and couldn’t help but laugh, I think it’s a bit of a baby brain moment.

10 July 2012, we went to bed at about 11pm, we lay in bed and cuddled up together. Joel put his hand on my belly and could feel Angelo Jack moving about; he fell asleep with his hand on my belly giving his son a cuddle. Angelo Jack was sticking his foot out last night too.

11^th July 2012, have midwife tomorrow, went to dentist today, survived it even though I could feel my heart rate going up, Angelo Jack certainly sensed it as he was kicking away the whole time as if to say mum it’s ok calm down please. We walked to the bakery afterwards to get some lunch and we defiantly enjoyed it. I set up a page on facebook for Angelo Jack, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/. My blog has gone mad as we have had  2134 views, it has been viewed in the UK, US, Russia, Canada, Australia, Denmark, Singapore, Germany, Ireland, Israel, France, Argentina, South Africa, New Zealand, Gibraltar, Switzerland, Hungary and Chilli.

12^th July 2012, I have seen the midwife today, she measured my bump and its measuring bang on dates, measuring 25 centimetres and I am 25 weeks and 1 day today. Heard little mans heartbeat again today too, it was 145 beats per minute; he was a little monkey to let us listen to it. He was sleeping until my midwife Jacqui started prodding and poking him so he started to move around and play football with the Doppler, he kicked it off of my belly but it was so funny. I recorded his heartbeat on my phone so that I have got a recording of him. I have to have a glucose tolerance test on the 27^th July, oh the joys of being starved from 10pm the night before. I see the midwife the following week. We see the paediatric consultant tomorrow. I had a phone call from great Ormond Street telling me to get a referral done to University College London Hospital and then they will refer me to great Ormond Street to tell me if they will operate on him when Angelo is born, providing all is ok and he is alive. I’m not getting my hopes up as I don’t know what the outcome will be but I am trying my hardest to do everything that I can possibly do for my son. Angelo Jack is so active tonight, I have had a bath which has calmed him down a bit but I don’t know how long for. Only 17 days left until we have our 4d scan and see our son again, I can’t wait, I’m so excited, and I feel like a kid with a new toy.

13^th July 2012, I have seen the paediatric consultant today, I think they are useless. They have told us that they won’t ventilate or operate on our son, he can have oxygen. They think that he will probably be born sleeping but if he’s not then they think he will only live for minutes. They think that he will be born looking very blue and he will struggle to breathe due to his diaphragmatic hernia and his lungs not being developed properly. I wish that I could take it all away from my son and that it was me who had it. They have said that if he proves them wrong and lives for hours and is making an effort to breathe then they will put a feeding tube in place, will give him oxygen and pain relief. They won’t take him away from us and put him on his own. We will have a private room at the back of the labour ward away from everyone else. I know whatever happens nobody can take away the fact that me and Joel will still and always will be his mum and dad. I have got some more reading and research today but I know with his problems his chances are slim but I just have to hang on to hope and faith. I know deep down that we will probably lose our son but he will always remain in our hearts. Went out with Mum, Laurissa, Peter, Mums friend and her daughter to berserk to distract my mind while Joel was at work, as I was driving myself mad sitting at home on my own. I am laid in bed with my laptop on my belly watching tele and Angelo Jack is going mad kicking away and sticking his bum out, I think it’s his way of saying mum move the laptop it’s not comfy. Angelo means messenger and angel and Jack is after my granddad. Angelo Jack is out little miracle, I just hope he has the strength to carry on fighting and prove everyone wrong. Angelo Jack mummy and daddy love you so much, you are our world and you mean everything to us. You will and are making mummy and daddy so much stronger even though it doesn’t feel like it at times.

14^th July 2012 we went to Nottingham today, we went to see some friends and go to Natalie’s baby shower, we had a right laugh, it was a good night. Joel stayed at Natalie’s house with the men they had takeaway while we had picky bits, drinks and games. I kept moaning at Joel on the drive over to Nottingham because Joel put some music on and Angelo Jack decided to start wiggling about and kicking my bladder, not a very good move with a full bladder. It was late before we got home so when we got home we went to bed and put the tele on, we laid in bed watching tele and had a drink before going to sleep. Angelo Jack was a wiggler most of the night, it was nice to feel him so much in one night, although he did keep waking me up so I had to keep getting up to have a wee all night long.

15^th July 2012 we didn’t wake up until 11.30 this morning, couldn’t believe it as we never sleep in until that time. Got up at 12.30 and made Joel a bacon sandwich and I had an egg sandwich, we went out at 13.30 and had a cavery lunch with Joel’s parents, brother, his brothers girlfriend, nieces and nephew. After lunch we went back to Joel’s parent’s house had a chat and a drink before falling asleep in the conservatory, we then came home; I did some of the housework while Joel cut the grass. Angelo Jack has been very quiet today, probably because we have had late nights all weekend and he has been quite active all weekend so he’s having a lazy day. We will listen to his heartbeat later on tonight when we go to bed just to make sure he’s ok and put our minds at rest, we will listen if he’s playing ball and doesn’t do his usual trick of moving and kicking the monitor as soon as I put it on, he’s such a little monkey but we wouldn’t change him for anyone or anything. Mummy and Daddy love you so much Angelo Jack.

16^th July 2012, Angelo Jack gave us a heart attack today, I hadn’t felt him move since 11 pm last night, and I started to panic so I rang my midwife. She sent me down the hospital to be seen and checked over, had a scan to check and all is ok. Angelo Jack Smith you are a little sod for scaring mummy and daddy today by not moving, went to the hospital and got checked out, the little sod is fine; he soon started wiggling when they scanned him just to check he was ok. All the water levels are fine and we got told that his growth is not bad considering his condition, he on the lower end of average, let’s hope he stays that way. We love you Angelo Jack but we don’t appreciate you giving us a heart attack, carry on growing, fighting and proving the doctors wrong but at least we got a sneaky look at you again today, you little monkey.

19^th July 2012, Angelo Jack has been quiet today but he was having a big party yesterday. I have been out catching up with friends today so haven’t been at home much. Had a nice bath tonight too as have got a lovely clean bed to get in to tonight, can’t wait but I officially know I’m pregnant when I can’t get out of the bath, had to shout Joel to come and help me and he found it hilarious, he said ok see you in an hour I’m just going to the pub, cheeky sod. Only 9 days until we see our son again but this time on a 4d scan, really can’t wait for it, I really want to see what he looks like. 

25^th July 2012, today we are now 27 weeks, another week has gone by and he’s still fighting and proving everyone wrong. He is our little fighter, a special miracle. Had a bbq at mum and dad’s house today, then went on to have a massive water fight, we soaked dad through but it was such a laugh, Mum and dad we laughing, the kids were laughing and Joel was laughing too, we were all in hysterics. You would think by now that dad would know me and my little tricks but obviously not, I say to dad let me have the hose I want to play with the kids and then turn it on him, oh my god it was such a laugh, can’t believe how much we were laughing tonight. When we were laid in bed tonight Angelo Jack was going mad, he was off on one, Joel felt him kick nice and strong for the first time as he went to sleep with his hand on my belly, he kicked Joel’s hand about 10 times, it was so nice. I can only picture the look on Joel’s face in my mind as we were laid in a dark room but I can imagine that it would have been a picture. I love my two boys so much, Angelo Jack is our little fighter and Joel is my hero.

26^th July 2012, only 2 more days to go until we see our son on 4d scan, we are so excited for it, it will be amazing. We have now got 100 members on Angelo Jacks page on facebook. We have had 2696 views of my blog to date, it’s been viewed in the UK, US, Australia, Canada, Russia, Singapore, Gibulatar, Ireland, Germany, France, South Africa, United Arab Emirates, Denmark, Israel, Argentina, New Zealand, Australia, Switzerland  Hungary and Chilli. It seems like it’s getting further and further around the world, it’s amazing to know how many people have looked at my blog and have read it. I know I am doing my part to get awareness out on to the world on Edwards’s syndrome.

28^th July 2012, well today is finally the day for our 4d scan, can’t wait to see our son again, we are so excited. Joel’s parents came with us for our 4d scan, they came and picked us up at 1pm, we got over to baby bond at about 1.40; we went for a walk and then back to baby bond for our scan. We had a small problem which was that the charity forgot to make payment for our scan; we couldn’t get hold of anyone as the charity is based in America. We resolved the problem by Joel’s parents finishing paying off the balance for us so that we were able to have our scan done. When I got home I sent an email to America to try and sort out the problem and to try to get my Father in laws money back. It was amazing to see our son in 4d, he looks like his daddy but my parents can see me in him too. Half way through the scan Angelo Jack had decided that he had had enough, he kept putting his hands up to his face to hide his face and then he turned his back to us, he’s so stubborn and cheeky. I went for another walk for about half hour and had a chocolate bar and bottle of fizzy cold lucozade. When we got back he had moved and decided to play ball again, he gave us some beautiful pictures. I will put some of them on here as there are 69 images in total, if you would like to see all of them then they can be viewed on facebook on Angelo Jacks page, the link is https://www.facebook.com/groups/262631393838701/ Please feel free to request to join and we will add you to the group so you can view and comment on his pictures. The lady that did our 4d scan was amazing, she was very patient and took her time, she couldn’t see an omphalecele like the doctors said he had got, she could however see a cyst in the cord close to the abdominal wall so hopefully she is right, when I see my consultant I will be challenging him. Angelo Jacks estimated weighted is 2lbs 2 ozs so he’s not as small as doctors have made out, hopefully he will be about 4 and a half lbs when he’s born.

29^th July 2012, yesterdays experience had made me think about helping others. It has inspired me to set up my own charity in order to help other mummy’s and daddy’s with trisomy babies. Without somebody telling me and putting me in contact about the charity that helped us then we wouldn’t have known about them and we wouldn’t have been able to have our 4d scan done. I have looked around in the UK and cannot see any charity that does the same thing or similar to what the charity in America does. This will be a long term goal that I set myself to do.